I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
