they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
