i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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