All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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