After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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