So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
