I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
