Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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