hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am midnight drunk by noon
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
