I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
