she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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