Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize