this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
