I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize