we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
