You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize