every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
