Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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