Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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