from now on my penis is your penis
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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