I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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