I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
