you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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