She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
