no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
