Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
