1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
