You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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