Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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