I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
