Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize