when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize