This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
