dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
