I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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