I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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