you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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