i would punch a child for taco bell
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
