I look better un-naked...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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