Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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