So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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