I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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