everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
