At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just gargled with NyQuil
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
