Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
