U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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