I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
