He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
