my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
