Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
