i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
