my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
