Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
