just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
