I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize