respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
