when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
