dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
