living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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