Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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