Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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