very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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