you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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