By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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