i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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