You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
