but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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