I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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