Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
