I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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