Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
