a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
