I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
