I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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