go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
