ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
