Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Be still, my beating vagina.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
