Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
