Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
