mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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