He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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