my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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