Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
