Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
