Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
