Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
