just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i think i just lost a toe
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
