Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
