well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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