I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
