When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
