I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
