Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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