He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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