i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
