He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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