I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize