He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
