I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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