I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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