What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
