Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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