If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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