Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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