I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
