Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
