I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
