last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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